Thursday, July 21, 2011

A Fresh Start

Well, I've decided to start a blog. The amount of social networking sites I have running is getting to be pretty ridiculous, but this one will be different. This will be about me, about my experiences, about my life.

It's been a different kind of 2 weeks. I heard news on Saturday the 9th that Carson wasn't doing well and they recommended hospice arrangements be made. I went to the beach with Andrew's family that Monday with every intention of going to see Carson when I got home on Thursday afternoon. What I thought would be weeks turned into days. Carson passed that Tuesday morning into a much better place. I came home on Thursday to his celebration of life. Carson lived a much older person's life. I am so happy that he's in a better place and no longer hurts, but I can't pretend that this hasn't been hard. This is the first death that I've truly been affected by. I know that I'll see him again one day, so it's not goodbye, it's see you later.

I'll insert a paragraph about Harry Potter, because I did go straight to Tuscaloosa to the midnight premiere of the last Harry Potter movie right after Carson's celebration. This is something I had been looking forward to for months (me being an obsessive HP fan). The end of Harry Potter was like the end of a chapter in my life. I recommend the movie, by the way.

Anyways, moving on.

Tuesday at 8am was the official time that all upperclassmen at Auburn could get in to AU Access to change their schedules. I was online at 7:55, waiting. After much anger at the internet, wifi connection, and Auburn's website, I discovered my major hadn't been changed over and I couldn't register for my required communication disorders classes for my first semester in the major. To shorten this story, I made phone calls, sent a lot of emails, and soon discovered I had to take a class from 3:30-4:45 on Tuesday/Thursday, which is the exact time the Auburn Marching Band practices.

I know this seems like a no-brainer decision. It also seems like not a big deal. But I want to be in the AUMB so so much. I was cut last year and in turn didn't get to go the the iron bowl, national championship game, etc. This was the first major disappointment I've ever been through in my life. I was so ready to try out for band again and be a part of this great organization. Needless to say, finding out that there is no possible way for me to be in band and this amazing major I worked so hard to get into was devastating.

My freshman year of college was not an easy one. I had all these plans that didn't happen and it really hit me hard. I wanted to start over and do everything I meant to this past year, starting with marching band.

Obviously, I haven't been asking God what I need to do. Band does not seem to be in His plan for me. Making the decision between my major (my entire future, basically) and the extra curricular I've loved for the past 8 years of my life was one that was not easy to face. I did know almost instantly what I would choose if I couldn't find a way to make both work.

I chose my major. I chose the program I was accepted into earlier this summer, the one I had worked all last year researching and getting good grades so I could get into. I will miss band and still long to be out on the field as I sit once again in the student section at football games. But I know I've made the right decision.

I believe God is forcing me to put my trust in him. I need a fresh start, and I believe God is giving me one. These last 2 weeks have been God's way of opening my eyes and seeing that I can't do everything on my own. I'm not Him. I'm just me, powerless perfectionist Dianna who tries to control everything. Well, it's time to give control back to where it belongs.

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." -1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)

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